In writing this, I will be blatantly pointing out that I have not written anything new on the site since early 2014. I occasionally feel bad about this, but then I remind myself that my silence was an intentional choice, and one that was made to save my own mind. You see, nutrition school was intense! I had chosen a 1-year track, which meant that I was in school 2-3 nights a week for a cumulative 12 hours, plus assignments, reading, and my ongoing 14 case studies. This was all on top of working a full time marketing job, maintaining a healthy, loving relationship with my boyfriend, and trying not to lose touch with my friends and family. When I started this website, I was in the early months of school. Everything seemed manageable at that time, but by the time I was 4 months into my courses and case studies cropped up on my radar, I knew that something had to give. I wanted to give my all to my school work, so I decided to shelve the site for a while and focus on school.
But school ended in August 2014, so where the hell have I been for the last 5 months? Well, after 11 months of class, 3 intense weeks of case studies, hours of studying, and finally a board exam, I officially never wanted to talk to anyone about food, or think about food ever again. In my heart this isn’t really true, but it was exactly how I felt at the time. I was experiencing a full-blown burnout.
When I started at the Canadian School of Natural Nutrition (CSNN), I had this vision of graduating and rolling right into my own practice after I had earned the coveted R.H.N. letters after my name. But alas, school ended, and all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and eat chocolate chips right out of a peanut butter jar. This burnout had me questioning whether or not nutrition was really what I wanted to do after all, which by the way, is was most frustrating thing EVER! I started school with so much passion, but when I came out the other side, I felt like my flame had been snuffed.
Someone really should tell you that when you complete this program, you are at risk for a post-board exam depression; partly fuelled by burnout, and also part by a paralyzing fear of expectation. The number of times I heard after graduating: “Oh you’re done now. Congratulations! What are you going to do now?” was more than I can count. It was always well meaning, and came from a genuine place of love, but the question also had the effect of reminding me that the safety net of school was gone, and I really didn’t know what I was going to do. When I was faced with following through and setting up a practice I was completely frozen by fear, self doubt, and overwhelm.
Life has its own little tricks to show you opportunities for miracles at every turn, so long as you are open to seeing them.
I’ve always been a fan of school. I loved high school, BCIT, Photography school and Nutrition school. Education has always come easy to me; having an instructor teach, and present information, group discussions, assignments, all of it appealed to my right & left brains. But The New School is different. Kiley is less of a teacher and more of a facilitator. She asks us questions, and instead of going out into the world to do the research and find answers, we look inside ourselves for answers. This is a completely foreign concept to me, and one that has made the last 5 months a totally wild rollercoaster of challenges and emotions. There have been tears, breakdowns, false heart-attacks, epiphanies, hugs, and a lot of woohooing. It has been one of the best rides of my life, and I’m starting to feel like I’m on the cusp of waking up. I write that with hesitation, because I’m learning to let go of expectations and allow things to happen just as they do, but I feel that little flame inside of me, the one that inspired me to go to nutrition school last year, starting to ignite.
So that’s where I’m at. 5 months after nutrition school, and the anxiety-inducing question: “what are you going to do now?” doesn’t bother me anymore; because I know and trust that my work is within me. I don’t know how it’s going to come out of me and into the world yet, but I understand now that what I do is not as important anymore.
Have you finished nutrition school and experienced similar feelings of burnout and post-graduation depression? I’d love to hear your story – please share your experience in the comments below, or email me privately here.
Oh Aly, it’s like you read my mind! I went through the exact same thing. I still get asked that question every time I talk to my friends and family and I totally understand the emotions it stirs up… I loved how you said “let go of expectations and allow things to happen just as they do”. Inspiring post! xo
Beautiful post! You express a sentiment with which I am confident we are all familiar. You are never alone, my friend! Best of luck and love and happiness on your site and on your journey.
Great post Aly! I was for sure burned out too. The time commitment of the course is a heck of a lot! I like the word. … Surrender… good word to live by. .. xo
I’m happy I stumbled upon your blog, Aly! I hope you’ve been enjoying your time at The New School. Based on what I know about you and your affinity for continuous learning and growth, I’m sure you’re having a blast 🙂
I can totally relate to these feelings you’re describing. I am on my final stretch of CSNN, with the board exam coming up in August, and quite frankly, i have no clue what i want to do after i’m done. I feel like my brain’s just been blown into a billion pieces, and will probably just have to lay low and do something non-food-related for a while after i’m done. I’m glad a stumbled upon your blog, gives me a bit of hope that i’m not the only one feeling this way. 🙂
Hi Nicolina, I remember the days leading up to the board exam well. From your message I can tell that you care about your time at CSNN, and for that I know you’re going to do amazing on your final exam. It’s amazing that you recognize your need to take a time out after school. It’s important to honour and respect what your mind and body are telling you. I will say, now that some time has past since I wrote this post, figuring out the direction I wanted to go in with my nutrition education happened from me taking action and trying things out. It was definitely overwhelming upon leaving school and having no idea where I wanted to focus, but most of my clarity came by starting to find clients, and getting really honest with the type of people and issues I enjoyed working with. These were insights I would not have gotten just sitting at my desk and brainstorming, or journalling. I’d love to hear how your exam goes in August, and when you’re ready (if you’d like), feel free to email me and we can talk about the million possibilities for your path with nutrition.